I didn't realize it, until a friend mentioned his birthday today...his coincided with Mom's death. As for now I have tonnes of things to say...but I couldn't put it into words.
If I could have one real conversation with Mom today, I would have lots of things to ask, things to tell, things to cry on, things to laugh at. I would like to hug her, not wanting to let her go. I would bring her to go and dine at her fave restaurants, having her fave food. Take her window shopping, buy her things she wanted. Hold her hands while walking side by side. It will be a blissful and memorable day. All this I wanted, for whatever cost it may take. But I come to realize one thing, am I willing to let her go again, like 5 years ago? I still had a hard time coping with her demise. With no family around me anymore, it's hard for me to talk about this. All I can do now is cry my heart out, remember our best moments, pray for her and feeling better. As I quote Albert Smith, tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.
Mommy, aku cukup lelengau ka nuan...pedis aku nadai nuan madah ka aku tuku pengidup tok. Nuan nadai ngajar aku, nuan nadai ba sepiak aku maya aku tusah, maya aku gaga. Mommy, nuan semampai dalam ati nggau sembahyang aku. ( Mommy, I really miss u...it's really hard for me not having u telling me about life lessons. Ure not here to guide me, ure not by my side when I sad, when I'm happy. Mommy, ure always in my heart and prayers.)
If I could have one real conversation with Mom today, I would have lots of things to ask, things to tell, things to cry on, things to laugh at. I would like to hug her, not wanting to let her go. I would bring her to go and dine at her fave restaurants, having her fave food. Take her window shopping, buy her things she wanted. Hold her hands while walking side by side. It will be a blissful and memorable day. All this I wanted, for whatever cost it may take. But I come to realize one thing, am I willing to let her go again, like 5 years ago? I still had a hard time coping with her demise. With no family around me anymore, it's hard for me to talk about this. All I can do now is cry my heart out, remember our best moments, pray for her and feeling better. As I quote Albert Smith, tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.
Mommy, aku cukup lelengau ka nuan...pedis aku nadai nuan madah ka aku tuku pengidup tok. Nuan nadai ngajar aku, nuan nadai ba sepiak aku maya aku tusah, maya aku gaga. Mommy, nuan semampai dalam ati nggau sembahyang aku. ( Mommy, I really miss u...it's really hard for me not having u telling me about life lessons. Ure not here to guide me, ure not by my side when I sad, when I'm happy. Mommy, ure always in my heart and prayers.)
