What if...

I'm still wondering.

If u're thinking of me.

If I'm the one in ur mind.

If I occupy ur mind every moment, just like mine does.

Or am I just a passing wind

Or just a frame of many moments in life.

 Tried hard to read u but I can't

Coz u changed 

Too fast, too soon, too hard....

 What if.....

u're totally the opposite?

Of what I think u are

Or of why u are the way u are?

What if, ego stands in the way?

What if, just what if....

it's still awkward

Still awkward....
still has doubts.
still covering up, still telling lies. i know, there's something in ur eyes. still has something that hasn't left unsaid.
no matter how much u told me u're ok with me, but i can sense that ure uncomfortable with me still.
what can i do to fix it? like how we were before. joking abt it and never felt guilty. but now, it's all taboo. now our hangouts are spent trying to rectify everything.
gosh, i am sorry it has come this way.

wtf

kau kata aku pelik????
kawu yg pelik....
sekejap ok, sekejap sik ok.
ketara bah perubahan kawu....aku bukan bodoh ok. u try to fool me, watever k.
dah berapa kali aku try to pujuk hati kawu, tp kawu masih juak mcm eksen2 takut2 nak jauh2 dr aku.
ku tok bait ati nak bekawan ngan kawu, jgn sampe aku moha...kawu blom kenal aku macam ni. Nyesal kawu kelak...jgn sampe aku dari cool jadi panas okeh!

Republik - Sandiwara cinta (official video )

Jujurlah sayang, aku tak mengapa,

Biar semua jelas tak berbeda,

Jika nanti aku yang harus pergi,

KU TERIMA WALAU SAKIT HATI.....

Thinking....

hye.
i just came back from a full-day course at Hotel Meligai. Kinda tiring coz u get to sit all day long.
But my mind wanders far today.
Today is my friend's birthday....
he's turning 29. And i didnt get him anything.
it's kinda sad coz i really wanted to celebrate, but not in my current situation.
i dont wanna upset anybody anymore. I dont mind not being appreciated, but at least, acknowledge my effort to mend this friendship.
I wud be very upset if i cant be happy for someone i'm close to.
But i guess no matter what i do, mending it or ignoring it, it doesnt bring much change.
becoz he wud still support the others over me, coz he knew them longer than i do. i'm not asking to be praised but as i said i regret that it has come to this.
I texted him, wishing him a great birthday. He replied saying that 'let's hangout later'. i dont knw if he means it, or doesnt mean anything at all, or he is annoyed by me pestering him....

Happy birthday, buddy.
have a blast. never live to regret.

It's okay....

Hey

i know u might be laughing at me behind my back rite now. I know u might be talking sh*t about me now too. If it makes u happy and satisfying, keep on doing it. Heck, bring along some friends too and laugh out loud.

U might not remember the times we shared. During happiness and sadness, in times of troubles and victory, in times of loneliness and sadness, i was there with u. I was there thru all ur troubles. I wanna make sure ure gonna be ok, eventhough my help isn't a big help at all. But at least I comforted u. Do u know why I wanted to do it all? Because I dont want u to feel helpless. I dont want u to feel afraid, feel lonely, or sad or worried. U said u're ok and u looked cool, but I know deep inside u're dying eventhough it's not ur fault. And now, u and ur friends turned ur backs on me. I dont want u to feel like the loneliest person in the world at that moment, because I have been there. And I wanna make sure my friends are well taken care of. But it seems that u forgot about me. I didnt expect anything in return. I just want u to know that I am there anytime u need me. U are my friend. And it is my responsibility to make sure that u're gonna be OK.

I remembered all the conversations we had. And all the things u said to ur friends. I remembered that u repeatedly said to ur friends that we're only friends. Yes, we are. And I'm afraid that we WERE friends. Coz i can feel that u're not comfortable around me or being with me. I am truly sorry that the friendship has come to this.I never meant to hurt anybody, but somehow I was misunderstood eventually. All my words, my actions, my meanings, my behaviour....was misunderstood.

But most of all, I had planned to celebrate ur birthday. Now, I'm gonna have to forget it. I told u, I'm gonna back out slowly if u dont feel comfortable with me. I apologised many times to u and ur friends. But none were accepted. But then again, it's ok. As long as ur happy and satisfied with what u had, I'm ok with it, eventhough I'm not part of the picture.

Happy Birthday to u, buddy. May God Bless U always and gave u all the abundances in the world. May u get whatever that makes u happy, smile always cos u looked good smiling. Walk with stride and full of pride, stand tall and be strong-hearted. Patience is a virtue and it doesn't hurt if u gave more. Learn from mistakes, respect ur parents, cherish every moment with ur family, grow old with ur friends and love them no matter how hard it is. I'm proud of u, coz I know how hard it is for u to be where u are right now.

But most of all, when u're up there, take a little moment and look at me down here.

God bless u.

hey...
my last post was on oct 25....no difference from then i suppose.
lemme see...
had too much on my mind lately.
my head and heart is overworked. i have been misunderstood....well, i guess let's just say it's not gonna be a gud year-end.
sorry buddies. i have made it hard on u guys.
but if u step in my shoes and sit in my mind for a while, u will know how it feels.
I've lost friends as easy as i get them. i care abt them but they chose the better person. i'm back to my old routine. it was short but sweet. thanks, buddy.

i want everyone to be happy, even if it doesn't include me in the picture. I dont mind being left behind, but at least have the decency and heart not to mention it in front of me. i never bragged in front of u abt my nite out, why should u? u wanna prove to the world that u're a star? dont get me wrong. ure not the star of the crowd. u never heard of wat they said behind u. have u ever wondered why they never talked abt the big nite out in front u? coz it's supposed to be a secret, not something that should be bragged on.

i knw i have nothing to offer, but at least be discreet abt it....what u did was like dangling a piece of meat in front of a lion.
i guess u guys will never understand. it's hard to find good people nowadays. so far, i only met good people with hidden agenda.

gotta stop now.